When I saw the link to 33 Of The Most Hilariously Terrible First Sentences In Literature History by Nico Lang and realized how well it intersected with the series of blog posts I've had here over the past few days, there was no way I couldn't post it.
It's well worth reading. Some of them are really quite good if the rest of the book is meant to be funny. I chose four of my favorites just as an amuse-bouche to help you decide to click the above link and invest the five minutes it takes to read them. Hearing about what sex after fifty is like with Rachel makes the return on the investment well worthwhile.
She strutted into my office wearing a dress that clung to her like Saran Wrap to a sloppily butchered pork knuckle, bone and sinew jutting and lurching asymmetrically beneath its folds, the tightness exaggerating the granularity of the suet and causing what little palatable meat there was to sweat, its transparency the thief of imagination.
Chris Wieloch
On reflection, Angela perceived that her relationship with Tom had always been rocky, not quite a roller-coaster ride but more like when the toilet-paper roll gets a little squashed so it hangs crooked and every time you pull some off you can hear the rest going bumpity-bumpity in its holder until you go nuts and push it back into shape, a degree of annoyance that Angela had now almost attained.
Rephah Berg
As an ornithologist, George was fascinated by the fact that urine and feces mix in birds’ rectums to form a unified, homogeneous slurry that is expelled through defecation, although eying Greta’s face, and sensing the reaction of the congregation, he immediately realized he should have used a different analogy to describe their relationship in his wedding vows.
David Pepper
Sex with Rachel after she turned fifty was like driving the last-place team on the last day of the Iditarod Dog Sled Race, the point no longer the ride but the finish, the difficulty not the speed but keeping all the parts moving in the right direction, not to mention all that irritating barking.
Dan Winters
Again, . . . well worth the time. Definitely adding this post to the series.
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