Inflection Point

I find myself at an inflection point so it seems to be a perfect time to re-dedicate myself to writing in this self authorship journal. This is a journal just for me now as there is no way for the public eye to see it. Maybe one day I’ll open it up? Or perhaps I’ll take all the “self authorship” tagged posts and compile them, but for now, locked down. 

Why an inflection point? I think the end of my PhD journey has hit me with a bit of a back hand. What I mean by that is that for the past four years I was so dedicated to sprinting toward the finish line that I never considered what might happen when I hit the finish line tape. I feel like I’m lost. No purpose. No meaning. Not sure of where I stand at work at all, and a bit awash at home too. 

Writing in Katy

Someone from another writer’s forum asked me where I write. They are much younger than I am and they were picking my brain for pointers on how to write more and write more effectively. 

One of the best and my favorite places to write is this Starbuck’s in Katy. 

Just 500

Right now I’m a word counter.

The other day I wrote that I’m flipping ole Sunset Perfect on it’s head. I’m simplifying a lot! Like a lot a a lot. Which is good. I think the story through the years had taken on a bit of a Frankenstein’s Monster look. It had become something it wasn’t. It was several stories lumped into one. Worst of all, it was boring. 

Now, I think it’s far sleeker, far more to the point. TOTALLY brand new characters who are all an amalgamation of the ones that were in the Frankenstein version, and the EXACT same plot and story, just told from a different, more appealing angle. 

Plagiarism at Harvard

Politics aside, I'm stunned by the revelations around the Harvard president, Claudine Gay. Having just completed my dissertation, I am VERY sensitive to some of the rules of plagiarism and giving propers citations. To find out that she lifted MANY portions of her dissertation and of her subsequent articles from uncited and other sources without proper attribution is STUNNING to me. (I know, lots of caps, but I think this deserves that).

While writing my own dissertation, I was surprised by the amount of paraphrasing that was necessary. They do not want just a ton of quotes and citations. They want you to distill other scholar's thoughts and lift them up and use them, but not copy and paste them. If you do quote . . . cite properly. If you take a sentence from someone else, you can't just switch a word or two and cite them. Either quote, paraphrase completely, or don't use. 

Trouser Man and Unsung Heroes

 Sometimes I struggle with these self-authorship posts. Why? Cause I’m not thoughtful about self-authorship,  . . . Well no. Mostly because I’ll think of something and forget it by the time I get around to having the time to write about it. Yesterday, I was on a jog, had a great idea, but this morning I can’t remember it at all!

So, I’m writing this one down right now. 

Epiphanies

I love when inspiration strikes. 

One of the most memorable moments of inspiration for me was one day while I worked with that contractor organization and I was on a jog trying to figure out how I was going to design the craft certification training that Brad and Rick wanted to be completed. Now, I don't remember exactly what hit me, but I remember how it hit me and where. BOOM! I had been chewing on the problem, and it just hit me. It was almost like a dog worrying on a bone, and then POOF the problem was fixed when I least expected it. It was a great feeling. And the idea was a great one.

Well, it happened again. This time with my writing. 

Taking a Break (and Breaking Apart)

Loyal readers might notice that a very large subset of information on this blog is gone. Poof! 

Yep, I split the old blog up. There is now a NEW blog on just adult education posts and self-authorship journal entries. Why? Well, it’s a bit of mix isn’t it? I started posting on adult ed stuff here just so I had some place to put all the junk I was writing. Now that I’m done with my dissertation, I think it deserves it’s own place. So there ya have it. Wander over to the new blog if you like the adult ed posts. This one will go back to just writing and reading nonsense. - this is the “break apart” aspect of the title. 

What about the taking a break aspect? 

Raise Problems

Four years of hard work, and I finally got rewarded by my organization for all that work. Lets keep a few things in mind. First, I never thought about getting a PhD, my boss wanted me to. Also, let's remember, that it's a PhD in the very thing that we do, adult learning. Lastly, let's remember that I did it super quick while keeping down my job. Lots of weekends, lots of classes, etc etc. 

Then there's the counterpoints . . . right? They paid for the courses. 40K or so in tuition, 5K or so in travel. They also funded my study and gave me some time to do the work. But still, four years and I finally get my raise. 

Bonus Probs

So, I'm fairly upset these days. Why? Well, it's salary and bonus time again. The most frustrating time of the year hands down. No matter how much you might think, "oh, look, I'm giving my employees a bump and a bonus, they'll be so happy" and BOOM, nothing but complaints.

That being said, there are problems with the process. The process is supposed to be: (1) I meet with my directors, (2) I get their input on their employees, who's done well that year, who hasn't, etc. (3) I do my best to meet the departmental budget and overages have to be explained then (4) I get final approval from my boss on the increases and bonuses before the managers tell their teams. 

The Power of Rehearsals

I’ve rehearsed my defense so much that I’m kinda at my wits end. Each morning for the last few days, almost a week really, I’ve gotten up and done a bit of work on the presentation, a few touch ups, a bit of improvements, but nothing too significant. 

Last week I practiced with 4 or 5 people. I don’t know if it’s going to get any better. Sadly, I woke up this morning and I was supremely uninspired. I just want the whole thing over with. Either I pass or I have to go back and try again, but I want to move to the next thing. This sitting around is driving me stir crazy. 

Event Horizon

I’m not sure there’s much more I can do. I feel like I’m past the event horizon. That my little spaceship is going into the black hole no matter what I might do. I sit here and worry at my presentation but nothing too brilliant comes out of that time, maybe a tweak or two, but nothing world-rocking.

My proposal is on Monday. I’ve taken Monday off from work completely. Did I need to? Not really, but I only wanted to worry about one thing, not a host of things. So, I’m off. 

Wool Again

Watching Silo on Apple TV and my son and I really got into it. Usually he's not that into TV series, so this was unique. Some how I convinced him to read the book with me. I've read Wool at least once before, and I liked it, so it wasn't hard for me convince myself to read it again. 

I'm surprised that it's not quite as well-written as I thought. I remember Wool was one of the first to go the non-traditional publishing route and look for the e-reading, Amazon Kindle publishing route. It's easy to see why. It's good, but not tight as you might come to expect. 

Stress

I genuinely can’t think when I was under this much self-imposed stress. When I think of the times in my life when I was most stressed, this will rank near the top for sure.

I think I knew I was going to be stressed. How? I don’t know, but I did reach out to an old friend, an “I’ll always be there for you” friend. Yeah, so, not there. Don’t you love that? Someone who says they’ll always be there and then they pull a disappearing act? Always fun to see. 

Rehearsal for a Review

The other day I told you about the conversations I’ve had with my boss. Ever wonder how long you could hang around a job if your boss keeps telling you he’s not impressed with the job you’re doing? Or that you have the weakest department? Well, I’m about to find out. So far we’re at about 6 months. 

So, the other day he alluded to my future with the company. “I’d sure love to keep you here, but we need to talk about what that looks like at your next review.”

Weakest Department

For the past few months, I've picked up some not-so-subtle signs that my boss and I don't get along as well as I might hope. Sadly, this is not a surprise. I've always thought my boss and I don't see eye-to-eye. It's little things mostly, but they've become bigger. 

How do I know they're bigger? When your boss starts saying, "This is the weakest department in the organization" well, that's a pretty big tell. 

Alternate Realities

I was thinking of this post today and the other day (HERE). In it I discuss alternate universes and the way that different people view the world around them. It came up today because my brother sent me a link on the Mandela Effect. Put simply the Mandela Effect is a bit like mass hysteria. It's when different people all miss-remember the same thing. Named for the memory that many people have of Nelson Mandela dying in prison in the 1980s. But, here's the thing . . . He didn't die in the 1980s. 

When I read the article about it, the author writes about how the Mandela Effect could be chalked up to all of our different personalities, or states of consciousness across all of the different alternate universes getting memories mixed up. Although I love the idea of different universes or alternate worlds, I don't buy this line of thinking. 

Almost There

So, today is the day I get to delivery my written defense to my committee. This is the final step before the final step I guess you'd say. Took quite a bit to get here to tell you the truth. Not as much as before, but still quite a bit. 

What do I mean by that? Well, that first screen shot is of my saved drafts from last spring of my proposal. I worked on that sucker for what? Almost a year? Quite a few drafts.

My Final First Draft

It’s a confusing title, but I think it’s apropos. It’s my final draft but there could be more, depending on what my committee says. 

I’ve already written on my committee. Right now, my thoughts are on my defense. The draft of my defense. Last night, Friday, finally, I got the go-ahead to send my draft to my committee. This is a big deal. Monday, I will set down and write to all four committee members and send a copy of my draft. Also, I’ll send the draft to the two “visitors” who want to join in to see my defense. 

Stress and Dissertations

I’m in the midst of writing my defense. I may have written this before, so if I did, feel free to bypass. There are several different steps in finishing my doctoral degree. There’s the courses and classes of course. I needed what? 60 or 70 total credit hours to graduate? Of those only 12 or 15 are for writing the dissertation. So that leaves like 45 or 60 credit hours for classes. That was the first three years. Each semester and every summer I took between 6 and 9 credit hours just to complete that aspect of the degree. 

My program with KSU was a tad different than others. Mine had a “residency requirement.” I picked a program with this quite purposefully. I didn’t want a 100% online experience. I wanted to have to go to an actual class and meet actual people and professors. Well, I got that. Every summer I’ve had to take a trip up to Kansas and sit with a class and do homework, live out of a suitcase, and meet and hang with my classmates. Well, worth the experience. Far better than just online courses. 

The North Keep Em Coming

For a long time now, I’ve been storing and cataloging these lines that I think are so good, under the Evershade label, and I don’t feel like today will be the day that I stop. 

All of these are by way of my friend from up north, and she does such a great job moderating the content. First is this one from KARLA.

things end.

people change.

seasons come & go.

life goes on. 

Great one to hear and to think about. So true about so many things. 

Illuminators

Went to a birthday party last night for a close friend of ours who was turning 50. It was our “neighborhood group.” You know those people in the neighborhood you glom onto during your life because your kids are about the same age, you show up for the same sporting events, you see one another on walks and runs, etc etc. All the things that make adults friends. 

I thought about “illuminators” at this little party. 

My Committee

I sent this comic to Andrew today. It tends to wrap up a lot about what we have both been talking about regarding our dissertation processes. The committee is what makes the writing of the dissertation so tough. 

Lately, Andrew has been telling me about his own struggles with his major professor. Everything he tells me is what I felt last year about my own!

T-Shirt Quilt

There are two side benefits of my life. The first is that I have an Uber talented wife who can make quilts out of t-shirts. You have no idea how often that comes in handy. 

The other side benefit comes by way of the commitment around running I made last year. Remember? I said I would run a fun run a month? Well, I did. I messed up

Book Five, Line 1

Another for the first lines series. I've been adding some other series into my series reading quest. Right now I'm into Clear and Present Danger . . . Book 5 of the Clancy series. I have to admit, I love this book. I think I've read it four times. It's the quintessential techno-thriller if you ask me. 

It stands up too. I'm reading it now, it's 2023, and it was written in 1989, and it still stands up and is relevant. 25 years later and it's still awesome!

The first line, in fact the first 30% of the book doesn't even (or hardly doesn't) mention the main character . . . Jack Ryan. I think it's silly they've re-titled these as "the Jack Ryan series." I think they're just perfect military techno-thrillers.

First line? 

The room was still empty. The Oval Office is in the southeast corner of the White House West Wing. 

Three doors lead into it, one from the office of the President's personal secretary, another from a small kitchen which leads in turn to the President's study, and a third into a corridor, directly opposite the entrance to the Roosevelt Room. The room itself is of only medium size for a senior executive, and visitors always remark afterward that it seemed smaller than they expected. The President's desk, set just in front of thick windows of bullet-resistant polycarbonate that distort the view of the White House lawn, is made from wood of HMS Resolute, a British ship that sank in American waters during the 1850's. Americans salvaged and returned it to the United Kingdom, and a grateful Queen Victoria ordered a desk made from its oaken timbers by way of official thanks. Made in an age when men were shorter than today, the desk was increased somewhat in height during the Reagan presidency. The President's desk was laden with folders and position papers capped with a printout of his appointment schedule, plus an intercom box, a conventional push-button multiline telephone, and another ordinary-looking but highly sophisticated secure instrument for sensitive conversations. 

Very few authors could start a book like this. Writing just about office furniture, even the President's office furniture, could be a disaster. I think that Clancy has earned the right to start this way because the reader knows there will be pay off. 

Hot Six First Line

I took a bit of a break from the thick military techno- and historical thrillers that have been a part of my series reading committement and went to read from another series. I've read quite a few of Janet Evanovich's Stephanie Plum series, but Hot Six was new.

The first line, as you would expect, was filled with whimsy.

Shaw and Ghosts

I'm reading a book entitled, How to Know a Person. It's all about being a better person and being a better person towards others. I'm not saying I have to be some better human, but we all need a bit of work right? 

In this book, the author quotes George Bernard Shaw and writes, "the worst sin toward our fellow creatures is not to hate them, but to be indifferent to them: that's the essence of humanity."

World Building in Class and Books

Last week in Kentucky at a conference I got to sit next to a professor who was involved with freshmen classes. He was challenged in helping these students become inspired and want to enjoy the learning process. He created a class that focused on "world-building." 

As we talked and he became more and more excited to tell me about everything he was adding into his class and using to inspire his students, our discussion naturally went to books where world-building is typical and normal . . . Sci-Fi and Fantasy. 

My Favorite Person at Work

I have several BFFs at work, which is not unheard of right? We all have friends at work. Some friends are fun for one reason, some for others. This one friend is fun because she . . . like me . . . is an introvert. 

I remember in our Insightful Leadership course I presented to the class on introverts vs extroverts. The way I discussed it was that extroverts pull energy from others and rechannel it to groups. Introverts expel energy from themselves to others. It's not that introverts can't be outgoing it's just that it takes more energy to do so. 

Funny Ole World (with Funny Ole People)

I ran into this the other day and it floored me a bit. Isn't it funny how people act and react and expect things from others, all the while they're probably expecting the same from you?

It's funny how relationships work and don't work. It shouldn't be so hard should it? People who get along should just allow themselves to get along. 

Zen and the Art of Pool Maintenance

I remember when I was in college the book Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance was a big deal. Everyone was reading it and getting something out of it. So, I happened to have a logic and philosophy course so I signed up to read it. I hate to say it, but I got nothing out of it.

I know why now. I'm not a tinkerer. I'm just not. I like actionable things. I don't like to diagnose. Can I be a tinkerer? Sure. When I was an RTO in the Army I had to be a tinkerer. I hated being an RTO. I was ecstatic when that chore got passed on to someone else. My neighbor Filip was a tinkerer. He could sit out in his driveway for hours working on one bolt in his truck and have a great time doing it. Not me. I'd go batty. 

A Purple Place for Dying Covers

A while back I was comparing pulp covers for some of the books I've read. It's a fun thing to do isn't it? To see the evolution of book covers over time? I even have my own evolution. I've seen my covers change over time a bit. I think they're there now. I doubt I'll see many more versions of my cover. 

In terms of A Purple Place for Dying, there are myriad. 

One of My Faves

A secret favorite that anyone who reads this blog will know about me, is my penchant for enjoying silly romantic comedies. I love hallmark movies, enjoy main stream rom-coms, and even every now and then enjoy a good romance to read. 

I'm sure I've discussed this here before with my old roommate Luker. He was incapable of watching a sitcom. In the 90's when everyone else was watching Friends or Seinfeld, he had to watch Hallmark or Lifetime. He didn't like romance like I did, instead he just had to have the "whole story." He had to have two-hour time blocks of stories. I think he was the reason I got hooked on these. 

One of My Faves

A secret favorite that anyone who reads this blog will know about me, is my penchant for enjoying silly romantic comedies. I love hallmark movies, enjoy main stream rom-coms, and even every now and then enjoy a good romance to read. 

I'm sure I've discussed this here before with my old roommate Luker. He was incapable of watching a sitcom. In the 90's when everyone else was watching Friends or Seinfeld, he had to watch Hallmark or Lifetime. He didn't like romance like I did, instead he just had to have the "whole story." He had to have two-hour time blocks of stories. I think he was the reason I got hooked on these. 

Another in My Series Reading

 Anyone who knows me and this blog knows that I’m into reading serieses now. I’ve reading WEB Griffin’s Corps series. I’m reading Tom Clancy’s Jack Ryan series. I finished C.K. McDonnell’s Stranger Times series (which was a rare, wonderful, funny, find). I started the Sackett series, but kinda let that one fall off. I’m including some rare Dick Francis and that’s GOTTA be a series right? It doesn’t matter that he’s my favorite of all time. A Daniel Silva’s series. And now the third in the John D. MacDonald’s Travis McGee series. 

These are so much like Lee Child’s Reacher series its just silly. Better, to be sure, but still, it’s like looking in a mirror. 

Won Another

I was worried about my fun run this month, because last month it was so bad. You’ll remember, it was August, and I ran a 10K and the conditions were so miserable that I bailed at the 5K mark. What were those conditions? 

Well, I’ll tell you. 

Back to the Grind

Lately I’ve had to hang up the ole type writer and get back to the dissertation. Actually this turn of phrase doesn’t work. I’ve had to hang up the creative writing and focus on the academic writing.

I was talking to a local Houston author friend, Shina (see her book HERE and order it!) and I told her how jealous I was. I think she works full time as an author and that’s the dream isn’t it? Full time writing. Full time creative writing even better. 

So These Made My Day

I happened to look through my novels (see HERE) and checked my reviews. Made my day. Truth? There are few times that these DON’T make my day. Overall, that’s a good thing. I think it speaks well of my writing, right? 

Now these are from all three of my books. I won’t say which is for which book, but it’s fun to see that all of them are getting decent reviews, still. I know I don’t have many, yet, but compared to three years ago, this is an overwhelming number!

Hypocrisy and Self Authorship

I would like to do some research on self authorship and hypocrisy. I think I know what the answer would be, but it’s pretty interesting to look around at the world today and see the different things that are happening and how different people react to it. 

For one, it shows me just how prevalent the “socialized” mindset is in society. What do I mean? I mean, I think, that I believe the socialized mindset is is one that is characterized by getting along with and going along with the crowd. There’s a lot of that in politics, going along with the crowd, and that’s where I see most of the hypocrisy displayed. 

Innovation is in my Genes

I am the Vice President of Innovation at work. A strange title to be sure, but it’s supposed to help me stay inspired to think outside the box. I actually have a tendency to do this. I like to think up new things and invent futures in my mind. Anyone who knows me will have heard me spout off about this. 

First there was RadioBoox, the idea was to have a serial on the radio that people could listen to. Books on tape, but via the radio. I thought it would be like soap operas but for people who drive. Something to look forward to each day. Sadly, it was an idea of the 90’s and the internet, tech boom killed it quickly. 

Lotta Comments

I heard from several of my reader (Hi Mom!) about my post on Social Distortion and When the Angels Sing. The predominant question was how in the world could I like that song. Truth? I'll put that song on loop and listen to it over and over and over and lose myself in it. One of the few songs that I can do that to. The only ones like that right now might be: Leo Kotke's Snorkel or Busted Bicycle . . . or Rocketman on solo piano. 

Regardless, what is it about When the Angels Sing that speaks to me?

I remember in Ranger School we had the opportunity to go to church every Sunday. No matter what else was going on, on Sunday I think they had to provide us the opportunity to worship. The chaplain would come out and it was one service for all for the most part. There was a bit of a communion I remember, and I think most of us went for the slice of white bread they gave out for communion. 

Back on the Speaker's Tour!

I feel like it's been a while since I had to speak at a conference. Well, that ends tomorrow. 

Vector First

Despite not really enjoying it as much as I hoped, I still finished it . . . it being Vector by Robin Cook. It took me back to summer days when I hung out with my grandfather on his Bed and Breakfast (see HERE) in Chappell Hill. 

We would go hit the resale book shop in Brenham and I'd buy novels. I'd buy Louis L'Amour books, Stephen King novels, whatever Sci-Fi and Fantasy books they might have. We, my grandfather and I, were voracious readers and would compete to see who could read the most and return the most books while we were there. I remember buying Robin Cook's there too. I guess as a young student, middle schooler and high schooler, he was fun to read. 

Westerns as Political Allegories

Anyone who reads this blog will know I have a little piece of my heart reserved for Louis L’Amour dime store westerns. I used to read them just for light fun. They’re great because there is no moral controversy. There’s a very clear line of wrong vs right. They’re a bit nonsensical and fantastic. They’re light and fun. 

The first one I ever read, I settled in for a good long novel, and instead I got a series of short stories. I didn’t know the Bowdrie novels were only short story pieces. I was hoping for a novel about the character. Still, they were great little ditties. 

Westerns as Political Allegories

Anyone who reads this blog will know I have a little piece of my heart reserved for Louis L’Amour dime store westerns. I used to read them just for light fun. They’re great because there is no moral controversy. There’s a very clear line of wrong vs right. They’re a bit nonsensical and fantastic. They’re light and fun. 

The first one I ever read, I settled in for a good long novel, and instead I got a series of short stories. I didn’t know the Bowdrie novels were only short story pieces. I was hoping for a novel about the character. Still, they were great little ditties. 

Self Care

I’m not a fan of self care. I think it’s a silly term and whenever I hear someone use the term I roll my eyes just a bit. Not enough so that anyone might notice, but it happens. Well, the other week I had a bit of an episode, an eye opener, that made me realize I need to invest in a bit of self care. 

When I was a kiddo I had back pain every so often. It was debilitating for short times. When it hit, I was down for the day. Never figured out what it was, but when I joined the Army it seemed to get a lot better. Was it all the front leaning rest building the core? All of those flutter kicks? All the workouts? The rucking? Could be, probably was. 

I'm a Streaker

I've determined, over the past 50 or so years, that I really enjoy streaks. What's that mean? It means I'm a person of habit. That I enjoy having a system, or a set habit every day. But, sad to say, a long running streak I was keeping up quite well, has fallen at 122 days. 

I was using Duolingo to not only get into interactive learning environments and microlearning but also to try and prep for my eventual . . . and hopeful (HERE) . . . live in Costa Rica . . . Four years away and counting . . . (down). 

Always Someone Worse Off

An auspicious title, no? What could that mean? What inspired so much negativity? 

I remember talking to someone a while back about how I see my life and attitude about life as sine wave. It goes up and it goes down. The amplitude isn’t too steep, nor too deep. It’s a smooth wave that slowly goes up and down never too far from the y axis. What’s the y axis in this case? That’s me. That’s my attitude. Sometimes I’m up, sometimes I’m down, but I’m never too far from the “norm” or the standard. And the standard, that y axis is on the positive side of the graph. 

Feel Good Reviews!

I haven't checked in a while, so I ran into two reviews and I was pleasantly surprised, and happy to read them. As I've said before, this is the best part of the job.

This first one is short and sweet. I like that he was expecting one thing, and I gave him something unexpected and surprising. Plus, every writer wants to hear that they have written a realistic and relatable character.