The Power of Rehearsals

I’ve rehearsed my defense so much that I’m kinda at my wits end. Each morning for the last few days, almost a week really, I’ve gotten up and done a bit of work on the presentation, a few touch ups, a bit of improvements, but nothing too significant. 

Last week I practiced with 4 or 5 people. I don’t know if it’s going to get any better. Sadly, I woke up this morning and I was supremely uninspired. I just want the whole thing over with. Either I pass or I have to go back and try again, but I want to move to the next thing. This sitting around is driving me stir crazy. 

Event Horizon

I’m not sure there’s much more I can do. I feel like I’m past the event horizon. That my little spaceship is going into the black hole no matter what I might do. I sit here and worry at my presentation but nothing too brilliant comes out of that time, maybe a tweak or two, but nothing world-rocking.

My proposal is on Monday. I’ve taken Monday off from work completely. Did I need to? Not really, but I only wanted to worry about one thing, not a host of things. So, I’m off. 

Wool Again

Watching Silo on Apple TV and my son and I really got into it. Usually he's not that into TV series, so this was unique. Some how I convinced him to read the book with me. I've read Wool at least once before, and I liked it, so it wasn't hard for me convince myself to read it again. 

I'm surprised that it's not quite as well-written as I thought. I remember Wool was one of the first to go the non-traditional publishing route and look for the e-reading, Amazon Kindle publishing route. It's easy to see why. It's good, but not tight as you might come to expect. 

Stress

I genuinely can’t think when I was under this much self-imposed stress. When I think of the times in my life when I was most stressed, this will rank near the top for sure.

I think I knew I was going to be stressed. How? I don’t know, but I did reach out to an old friend, an “I’ll always be there for you” friend. Yeah, so, not there. Don’t you love that? Someone who says they’ll always be there and then they pull a disappearing act? Always fun to see. 

Rehearsal for a Review

The other day I told you about the conversations I’ve had with my boss. Ever wonder how long you could hang around a job if your boss keeps telling you he’s not impressed with the job you’re doing? Or that you have the weakest department? Well, I’m about to find out. So far we’re at about 6 months. 

So, the other day he alluded to my future with the company. “I’d sure love to keep you here, but we need to talk about what that looks like at your next review.”

Weakest Department

For the past few months, I've picked up some not-so-subtle signs that my boss and I don't get along as well as I might hope. Sadly, this is not a surprise. I've always thought my boss and I don't see eye-to-eye. It's little things mostly, but they've become bigger. 

How do I know they're bigger? When your boss starts saying, "This is the weakest department in the organization" well, that's a pretty big tell. 

Alternate Realities

I was thinking of this post today and the other day (HERE). In it I discuss alternate universes and the way that different people view the world around them. It came up today because my brother sent me a link on the Mandela Effect. Put simply the Mandela Effect is a bit like mass hysteria. It's when different people all miss-remember the same thing. Named for the memory that many people have of Nelson Mandela dying in prison in the 1980s. But, here's the thing . . . He didn't die in the 1980s. 

When I read the article about it, the author writes about how the Mandela Effect could be chalked up to all of our different personalities, or states of consciousness across all of the different alternate universes getting memories mixed up. Although I love the idea of different universes or alternate worlds, I don't buy this line of thinking. 

Almost There

So, today is the day I get to delivery my written defense to my committee. This is the final step before the final step I guess you'd say. Took quite a bit to get here to tell you the truth. Not as much as before, but still quite a bit. 

What do I mean by that? Well, that first screen shot is of my saved drafts from last spring of my proposal. I worked on that sucker for what? Almost a year? Quite a few drafts.

My Final First Draft

It’s a confusing title, but I think it’s apropos. It’s my final draft but there could be more, depending on what my committee says. 

I’ve already written on my committee. Right now, my thoughts are on my defense. The draft of my defense. Last night, Friday, finally, I got the go-ahead to send my draft to my committee. This is a big deal. Monday, I will set down and write to all four committee members and send a copy of my draft. Also, I’ll send the draft to the two “visitors” who want to join in to see my defense. 

Stress and Dissertations

I’m in the midst of writing my defense. I may have written this before, so if I did, feel free to bypass. There are several different steps in finishing my doctoral degree. There’s the courses and classes of course. I needed what? 60 or 70 total credit hours to graduate? Of those only 12 or 15 are for writing the dissertation. So that leaves like 45 or 60 credit hours for classes. That was the first three years. Each semester and every summer I took between 6 and 9 credit hours just to complete that aspect of the degree. 

My program with KSU was a tad different than others. Mine had a “residency requirement.” I picked a program with this quite purposefully. I didn’t want a 100% online experience. I wanted to have to go to an actual class and meet actual people and professors. Well, I got that. Every summer I’ve had to take a trip up to Kansas and sit with a class and do homework, live out of a suitcase, and meet and hang with my classmates. Well, worth the experience. Far better than just online courses. 

The North Keep Em Coming

For a long time now, I’ve been storing and cataloging these lines that I think are so good, under the Evershade label, and I don’t feel like today will be the day that I stop. 

All of these are by way of my friend from up north, and she does such a great job moderating the content. First is this one from KARLA.

things end.

people change.

seasons come & go.

life goes on. 

Great one to hear and to think about. So true about so many things. 

Illuminators

Went to a birthday party last night for a close friend of ours who was turning 50. It was our “neighborhood group.” You know those people in the neighborhood you glom onto during your life because your kids are about the same age, you show up for the same sporting events, you see one another on walks and runs, etc etc. All the things that make adults friends. 

I thought about “illuminators” at this little party. 

My Committee

I sent this comic to Andrew today. It tends to wrap up a lot about what we have both been talking about regarding our dissertation processes. The committee is what makes the writing of the dissertation so tough. 

Lately, Andrew has been telling me about his own struggles with his major professor. Everything he tells me is what I felt last year about my own!