There was a great episode of one of my favorite podcasts the other day . . . The Think Podcast (see HERE). It was all about quitting. When does quitting make sense? Does it ever? Grit over quit, right? No one likes a quitter? Well, Annie Duke (who I think has a PhD in cognitive linguistics, . . . . Or perhaps ABD Phd) has some really interesting insights about quitting.

I think back to the things I have quit. I quit the Army. I was on a track to go to SF or Delta, and I realized that I didn’t like shooting. I was only going to try and go to these units to see if I could do it, not because I wanted to be there. Not really the best reason to join a unit. Could be that shooting 200 rounds a week every week for almost 4 years in teh Rangers got me tired of shooting, but who knows (I’ve added it up, when you realize it was a minimum of 200 rounds a week, I bet I shot over 50,000 rounds. That’s a lot of shooting. I remember when I got out of the Army, my brother was stunned by the muscles in my forearm that were activated when I pulled a trigger . . . Not anymore. I haven’t shot since).
Looking back I shouldn’t have quit. I think I would have enjoyed changing MOS’s from infantry to one closer to being a paramedic. I was already and EMT, squad medic, squad leader, stinger, scuba (almost), airborne, and Ranger qualified. That’s a lot to throw away.
I also quit construction. But boy I don’t have any regrets there. I (kinda) quit PSC, twice, but both were for better positions. So, they weren’t really quitting.
I’ve quite some relationships. And that’s where I found myself listening intently about her views on relationships and quitting. When does it make sense to quit a relationship and why we don’t quit it sooner.
One thing she mentioned that I fell victim to is the fallacy of sunk costs. We’ve already invested so much in the relationship, emotion, energy, interest, etc. that we don’t want to lose what we’ve already invested. What’s funny is that when you’re in that downward spiral, you don’t realize that you’ve already lost it. There’s no guarantee it’s coming back. In fact when you’re in that spiral, there’s almost a guarantee that it’s NOT coming back.
Then there was something else she discussed. We want to see the outcome. The only way to see what could have been is to hang in there and see. The problem is that by hanging in there in the same situation, you’re creating the situation that you’re trying to escape from and see a better solution too.
The better thing to do is walk away.
I know I can think of several relationship I stayed in for way too long. YEARS too long. I look back at them and realize the time to exit was years and years before. The person I was in love with had changed so much that the person I was hoping she might become (again) wasn’t around anymore, and probably not coming back.
One realization that should have been a glaring red flag was the realization that the person I though I loved, well . . . Had I met her as she was, instead of who I thought she could be, . . . Or who she used to be . . . If I had met that person she “was” at that moment, . . . I never would have fallen for her. That person she was was not what I could ever love.
That’s when I should have quit. Instead I got stuck in the fallacy of sunk costs and wanting to see what happened and wasting more time, effort and emotion.
Maybe the term should be “everyone loves a quitter,” instead of “no one likes a quitter.”