Red Flag Talking?

I dated someone years ago who would persistently and consistently ghost me . . . then I guess, the term is . . . she would Zombie me. What's ghosting and zombieing? Ghosting we all know . . . a form of confrontation and conflict avoidance? Sure. But being a zombie? Someone who comes back from ghosting. In this case, she would pretend that nothing had happened. Just say, "I'm back." 

The worst part of this was at each part of the comeback/zombie process, it was like coming back starting fresh. We were always at square one again, or worse . . . behind square 1 . . . square 0. 

So what? 

Well, I remember when she first started this I asked, "so if you ghost me, I should just sit around?"

Her: Yep.

Me: Cause if I stop talking to someone like you do, it would be a huge red flag. 

Her: Well, not for me. Just wait around and I'll come back. 

Me: Well, okay, but if we're going to be close, you should know, that if I ever stop talking like you do, that would be a HUGE red flag. It would mean something is HORRIBLY wrong and needs immediate attention. 

So, probably not a word-for-word transcript, but it's close. I was never able to understand how cavalierly she took off and how much she seemed to take our friendship for granted. Ultimately, it ended up completely undermining us. I was never able to "get" the disappearing act. She was never able to reconcile the whole coming back/zombie re-uniting thing. 

What's funny is that the last time we spoke, the time I decided it was time for me to ghost myself, I don't think she got the memo. I don't think she remembered my message that if I shut up, it's a huge red flag! Instead, she barely said a thing. Maybe it was time. Maybe it was a sign that we were through. If both of us go quiet, if both of us ghost, if we both zombie in different ways, if there is not there . . . there . . . maybe that's a sign that it's over. 

Long and short? I know there are those who think that ghosting someone can be healthy, that ghosting is conflict avoidance which can be a healthy conflict resolution strategy. BUT, I don't believe so. I think it's avoidance, but I also think it suppresses growth, discovery, and resolution. 

Oh well, things come and go right? Zombie come back. Sometimes there's just nothing left for a zombie to come back to.