Need vs Want

I've written about this before, . . . probably many times. . . but it's a huge part of my life, and a major theme in the novel I'm currently pecking away on in my Reedsy account. I have a good clip going, got some momentum, and Reedsy hooks you up with an editor, so hopefully, this time, I won't get reviews that say "could really use a professional editor."

But I'm writing about Need vs Want. I wrote earlier that men want to be needed and women need to be wanted. I think I wrote about this in terms of Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. The way that men and women communicate, and fail to communicate and the challenges and problems that grow from that. 

I had a girlfriend, years ago, I know now that she was a bit (more than) a mess and for some reason, she would take these long as "breaks" or "pauses" and I wouldn't hear from her for long long times. She'd come crawling back, habitually, and then right on cue, within a few weeks, she's would become a ghost again. Like I said, a bit of a mess. 

Irregardless, I remember that this women need to be wanted, men want to be needed came to a head quite naturally at one moment during one of her first "pauses" . . . before I realized this was her natural state/cycle. When she came back, her first words were "You still want me?"

Just that. "You still want me?" There wasn't contrition, no, "I'm sorry" that was not the first thing she said. Nor was there gratitude, no, "Thanks for still be there for me." 

Nope, the very first thing I heard from this girlfriend was "You still want me?" I think that was telling. 

Again, a huge theme in my novel, and I'm not sure just how I'll illustrate it, but it's interesting isn't it? The answer for her, of course was "yes." Sadly, her pauses and breaks and ghosting told me that she didn't "need" me, and if you can have both, want and need going in both directions, then failure is going to be the result.