This series on first lines was started when I was continually being told how important first lines were. There are quite a few first lines posted as a part of the series which can be accessed by clicking on the link to the right or clicking here. Now that there are over 100 I'm beginning to wonder if I should create subsets so that I can group the first lines into "bad first lines" and "good first lines." But, there's a reason I haven't made this change, and part of that reason can be read below:
The convoy was caught in the tail end of the morning traffic crush pouring out of the suburbs and cascading into Washington D.C. The three four-door Chevys with tinted windows were sandwiched in a long string of cars rolling east along Keene Mill Road. Another mile and half along the two-lane road that bisected Springfield, Virginia, and they'd reach the Beltway girdling the nation's capitol.
Bob Mayer - Eyes of the Hammer
The first passage is not good, but the sense of impending doom for that little convoy doesn't necessarily put it in the bad category. Maybe there should be three sub-categories, "bad first lines," "good first lines" and "could be better."
2 comments:
With the removal and replacement of (in order) "were, was," and "they'd reach", this could be improved dramatically. Speaking as someone who has historically told instead of shown, I see this in others' work just as much as my own.
It's interesting . . . this book by Mayer. There are flashes of decency throughout yet like you pointed out, aspects that set the teeth a bit on edge. I'll finish this week and have a review, and I suspect alot of it will say "so close to be good" just like this first line.
Thanks though for the comment. How are your projects going?
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