A Feather in My Cap, or a Black Eye

Anyone who reads this blog religiously will know that last year I went query crazy. I sent out queries to agents as if my life depended on it. I tallied that I had a 5% success rate. Lower than most published authors feel is acceptable. I have sense completely changed my query process and dynamic.

Although I have not completely accepted the advice of JA Konrath on queries (his advice found here) I am closer to it than last summer. Konrath advices not sending a SASE, they just make it easier to be rejected and do nothing for the author's self-esteem, and he believes that it is necessary to differentiate submissions from the pack. His query packet was stylized printed and shipped like a book jacket with an author blurb, review, front jacket intro etc. As I said, I'm not as keen as he in casting off the cloak of conventional structure, but I'm moving that way.

Secondly, my query letter has changed significantly. I posted the query here last year and since then it has evolved into a much shorter much more pithy missive. Still have the word count, still have the genre, but I read a Writer's Digest article about successful queries that truly hit home. Whet the agent's appetite, it said, and leave them wanting more. Just give them enough to know that you're professional, polished, have a finished manuscript, and are in the genre they represent.

The reason I bring all this up is that as I peruse publishing blogs, I'm amazed by the number of queries that agents get. Reading about Janet Reid on her blog, Nathan Bransford and Jessica Faust, I realize that my even getting a 5% success rate was pretty spectacular. Jessica Faust's post this morning mentions that she has over 360 new email in her inbox, all of them queries. She posts this about every two or three weeks. She plows through them in that same amount of time then a new batch comes in. In my office if I get 36 emails I'm extremely busy, 360 is mind numbing. The same dynamic is common for all the other agents.

What's the point? In the famous words of Jesse Jackson on SNL, the point is moot. There is no point. I'm just amazed that my queries got picked up at all. Like Colonel Cathcart would say, "it's a real feather in my cap." Then again, I'm still not published so "that's a real black eye."

Book Review - Twelve Sharp

I just finished Twelve Sharp by Janet Evanovich. Anyone who knows me or who has read this blog will know that I enjoy Evanovich’s Stephanie Plum series if only cause they are light-hearted, fast, easy, and fun to read. Evanovich has successfully created a world of clever characters who are consistently and constantly pulled into somewhat believable and intrigueing mysteries. The story is fast paced, and the characters are fun to read about. Whenever I read one of these books I always imagine it as a movie and it turns out to be a really good movie. My favorite character is not the paramilitary love interest, but the huge, African American side kick. Whenever Lula is involved in a scene I find myself paying attention more if only because if you read to fast you’ll gloss over some of her quips or one liners. All in all, no great vocab, no great lines, but one great book and a terrific series, even if its read out of order.

Not a Great First Line . . . But She's on Best Seller Seventeen So What Do I Know

After all the "thick" stuff I've been reading lately, dropping down a gear or two to a Janet Evanovich mystery seemed apropos. To that end I bought Smokin Seventeen and the first line I saw was:

"MY GRANDMA MAZUR called me early this morning."

Not much there to sink ones teeth into, but that's what I wanted. The following passage seems typical of Evanovich. A sense of flair, whimsy and absurd all in one.

“I had a dream,” Grandma said. “There was this big horse, and it could fly. It didn’t have wings. It just could fly. And the horse flew over top of you, and started dropping road apples, and you were running around trying to get out of the way of the road apples. And the funny thing was you didn’t have any clothes on except a red lace thong kind of underpants. Anyways, next thing a rhinoceros flew over you, and he was sort of hovering over top your head. And then I woke up. I got a feeling it means something.”

Evanovich, Janet - Smokin' Seventeen: A Stephanie Plum Novel

Book Review of Smokin' Seventeen

Those of you who read this blog regularly know that I enjoy Janet Evanovich's Stephanie Plum series. Those of you who are new to the blog and thought I was a hard core, ex-military, no-nonsense, thriller writer . . . it was nice knowing you. Hope you come back one day.



Yes, yes . . . every now and then I enjoy reading a Stephanie Plum novel. They're fun, they're light, they're especially funny, and the bad-ass, heart-throb in the books is a former Ranger. What's not to like. This most recent one, Smokin' Seventeen is just as good as its predecessors. Unlike the others this one doesn't have much mystery in it. The further down the list one reads, the less mystery is involved, but I guess it doesn't matter cause if you are reading number seventeen you obviously like the characters, so Evanovich provides alot of that.

My favorite character (other than the aforementioned bad ass) is Lula. Read one of the books and you'll see what I mean. Reading about what Lula eats and wears is about as much fun as reading about what Archie McNally wears in Lawrence Sanders' series (here).

I highlighted only one passage, but it's a doozy.

"Lula and I walked around the side of the building and found Melanie sitting on a beer keg, smoking. The first delicious rush of nicotine was behind her, and she was mechanically working her way through the remainder of her cigarette."

First, I think she describes the scene quickly and succinctly. The reader knows that it is gritty, depressed, and grimy. I love the combination of "first delicious rush of nicotine" and I like that it "was behind her" and now the mechanical nature of the habit kicks in. I don't know why, but that could be top of my list for great descriptions.

Fun stuff. Look forward to eighteen as well as to reading the intervening editions that I have missed. If you're looking to read a fun book do yourself a favor and try an Evanovich (here).

Hot Six First Line

I took a bit of a break from the thick military techno- and historical thrillers that have been a part of my series reading committement and went to read from another series. I've read quite a few of Janet Evanovich's Stephanie Plum series, but Hot Six was new.

The first line, as you would expect, was filled with whimsy.

Essentials for Novel Writing

Thayer Rules are my little way of cataloging things I hear from James Thayer's podcast Essential Guide to Writing a Novel. Thayer is a wealth of information. Its presentation is a bit long and slow but there are nuggets in there that are incredibly worthwhile. Additionally, in episode one he references positively Donald Maass. I love Donald Maass.

The rule I liked today was "Characters don't engage in small talk." 

Perspective and Tense in Writing

I recently read a post in the writing community that I am a part of that was about the fact that first person present tense perspective is not well regarded and he argued that it is just as valid as others.  He got a lot of flack from others for saying that. I completely agree with his post. I love reading first person present and enjoy writing that style too. I’m partial to all first person pov’s and I don’t understand why it gets such short shrift.

I remember a writing group/class I was a part of for a long while and the leader/teacher was constantly trying to get me to stop writing in first person and shift to third. 

First Line of Fearless Fourteen

I’m trying to enjoy some life again so between work and school I’m picking up a favorite author and reading for fun. I did this back this summer (see HERE) when I had a break from school. 

And since I’ve started pecking away again at Sunset Perfect (probably inspired by these reviews! HERE)I thought it would be good to read a bit. It’s also a stress reliever for me. So that’s plenty of reasons for me to read more. 

Quick Review: Face-Off

 I spent some time today with this book. I'm a huge fan of Janet Evanovich's Stephanie Plub novels, and I went into this expecting that style. I don't think I got what I expected. Instead of levity this story brings seriousness and romance. The problem? The writing style would have been more aligned with comedy. 

The author uses cliches, and much of the writing tends towards over-the-top. In the first few pages the author does a good job of describing the setting, but the characters are all caricatures rather than believable, this tends to undermine the value of the writing and like I said, makes a reader expect comedy or humor. 

Although I found it fun, the writing tends to lag, and like I said, I don't think the author was going for fun, as much as they were going for hard-boiled or hard-hitting. Thankfully the mechanics of the writing were clean in that I only saw a few problems, but nothing too rough around the edges. All in all, I was disappointed that it wasn't a book that could draw me in and deliver on what I thought was promise. Back to Evanovich for me I guess. 

Been Awhile

I know it has been awhile since I last posted a blog post, but I ran across something, in a trashy novel no less, and I thought, "Man, this would be a perfect post," so I decided to at least get it down for no other reason than I want to remember it. Additionally, it falls into one of my favorite series . . . my posts about authors' love for writing about the morning (see here).

I poured coffee and settled in for the long wait. A band of orange appeared on the horizon. A light blinked on in the apartment next to Spiro. Another light appeared a few apartments down. The charcoal sky turned azure. Ta daaa! It was morning.

Evanovich, Janet - Two for the Dough

It wasn't the best novel, but fun for a trashy novel and a short get-away from heavier fare (really even my heaviest fare is still quite light).

Evanovich and Parker . . . Two Peas in a Pod

This could be the worst ending of any of the Stephanie Plum series of novels. I mean way to phone it in Janet. Still, just like I mentioend yesterday (here) about reading a Robert B. Parker novel, you kinda have to expect that.

All in all a fun read, but wow, that was a terrrifically bad ending.

First Line at the Moment

Back to an old standard.

Lately, I've been spending a lot of time rolling on the ground with men who thing a stiffy represents personal growth. 

Hard Eight - Janet Evanovich

So, it's not "It was the best of times. It was the worst of times." but right now it's exactly what I need right now to help me get to the end of my own (somewhat fatuous and one dimensional) novel.

Last Line for Plum

I continue to add to and keep track of my last lines series, despite no epiphanies from it yet (for more on why I catalog last lines or to see more, follow this link - here). This one provides no greater insight into human nature.

I took the elevator, walked the length of the hall, and balanced the hamster tank on one knee while I opened my front door. I stepped inside and flipped on the light. Everything looked perfect. No Orin splattered on the wall . No broken window. Clean floor.

There was a bottle of champagne on my kitchen counter plus a check and a note from Ranger.

For a job well done, the note said. I’ll be around later. I need a date.

Evanovich, Janet - Notorious Nineteen

I'm sure that we could parse and dissect these lines and see that Stephanie is riding the elevator up . . . meaning that she is coming up out of the funk that she had been in. That this could be the start of a new positive time in her life. Or we could talk about how there is no "Orin" splattered on the wall. Or how the floor was "clean."

But having read alot of Evanovich's stuff, I think she wanted us to look at the final line, and begin to wonder if there is something happening between her and Ranger and whether or not that might affect her relationship with Morelli.

For my taste this love triangle has gone on too long. Personnally I fear that readers like myself suspect she's gone to this well once too often. STill, I will most likely read the next, probably when I need a lighthearted easy book to digest.

American Pickers

One show that my "roommate" (aka my wife) can't get enough of is a show called American Pickers that follows to antiquers as they travel through the US looking for wares for their stores. If this show is on, then my roomie can usually be found watching it. I tag along usually, but sadly I also usually fall asleep.

That being said, the two main characters meet up with people who have outrageous "collections." I place collections in quotes, cause a less polite writer might have written, "junk." Here are these older folks who have spent their lives just collecting and collecting and storing and storing. Then along comes American Pickers and they dig around and see if there's any gems among their treasures.

The other day my wife asked me what I might end up collecting. Books? I'm not sure but I think this was said tongue in cheek. She has been the main reason I've had to downsize my book collection. Both cause she gave me a kindle but also because she has been the primary motivator of my taking my books to the resell shop.

One thing I will say I collect is quotes about the morning. See my collection by following this link (here). I dare anyone to find another blogger who logs quotes about the morning in their blog. I'm in BABY!

To that end I offer this one that I found simple, direct, and pert darn good.

The sun was pouring into my living room. The day had started without me.

Evanovich, Janet - Notorious Nineteen

It's quick, effective, blends perfectly with the surrounding prose and plot. Might be among the best of the collection. And it's from such an unexpected source.

This might be one of those gems that years from now someone will pick up and say, "I'll give you a nickle for it."

Going to Have to Go On the Bad List

As I've said in the past (here), first lines are quite important. I don't think that Janet Evanovich's first line from Notorious Nineteen would make the cut to "good first lines," that I've started.

“I DON’T KNOW why we gotta sit here baking in your car in the middle of the day, in the middle of the summer, in the middle of this crummy neighborhood,” Lula said . “It must be two hundred degrees in here. Why don’t we have the air conditioning on?” 

“It’s broken,” I told her. 

“Well, why don’t you have your window open?” 

“It’s stuck closed.” 

“Then why didn’t we take my car? My car’s got everything.” 

“Your car is red and flashy. People notice it and remember it. This is the stealth car,” I said. 

Lula shifted in her seat. “Stealth car, my big toe. This thing is a hunk of junk.”

Evanovich, Janet -Notorious Nineteen

I read this because after NaNo I needed something light and airy. I got it. Fun to read but not a world beater by any means.

First and Perhaps the Last

So I am reading another J.A. Konrath book, this time it's Dirty Martini, and I'm not sure that it's going to inspire me to read anymore.

Now that I am fan of Janet Evanovich's Stephanie Plumb series, which anyone who has read this blog would know (if not see here), and which is rather strange considering my history, I don't know if I'm going to be reading another Konrath book from the Jack Daniel's series. Ostensibly they are similar styles but Konrath's are less refined and more gory. I'm not sure if I'm a big enough fan of gore to warrant another investment in the series.

As far as the first line goes, not too great category for sure:


No security cameras this time, but he still has to be careful. The smaller the store, the more likely he’ll be remembered. 

He’s dressed for the part. The mustache is fake. So is the shoulder-length hair. His facial jewelry is all clip-on, including the nose ring and the lip ring, and his combat boots have lifts in them, adding almost three inches to his height. He’s wearing a Guns N’ Roses T-shirt that he picked up at a thrift shop for a quarter, under a red flannel shirt that cost little more. The long sleeves hide the tube. 

When they interview witnesses later, they’ll remember his costume, but not his features.

Kilborn, Jack; Konrath, J.A.  - Dirty Martini

Sorry, just not good enough or intriguing enough to be in the great category of first lines. But that might be part of the reason that I'm not inspired to read more from the series.

Starting the Week with Serviceable

I ended last week with a first line, I am starting this week with a last line. This one from Explosive Eighteen.

He thought for a moment. “Better,” he finally said. “Warm.” His eyes got dark and soft, and the corners of his mouth tipped into a smile. “Very friendly.” He reached out for me and pulled me into him. “Come here, Cupcake.”

Evanovich, Janet  - Explosive Eighteen

Light, fun (if you know the whole of the story) and endearing (if you have read other books in the series). Not my favorite of the series, and not the most poignant of last lines. Serviceable.

First Line Right Now

Just coming off a "commitment book" so naturally I'll want to follow that with a trash book. The selection? Explosive Eighteen by Janet Evanovich.

NEW JERSEY WAS 40,000 FEET below me, obscured by cloud cover. Heaven was above me, beyond the thin skin of the plane. And hell was sitting four rows back. Okay, maybe hell was too strong. Maybe it was just purgatory.

Evanovich, Janet - Explosive Eighteen

Perhaps it's not fair to call it trash, but when bracketed by Charles Dickens, I'm not sure what to call it.

Book Review: Hot Six

What can I say about Hot Six by Janet Evanovich. It was as fun as all the others. Just as good if not better than all the rest. I can't say better actually cause they're all great, but this one just continued the excellence and fun that I've come to expect. You know what you're getting with Evanovich's Stephanie Plumb series of books, and she doesn't disappoint.

A few weeks ago I read an article in the WSJ by Danny Heitman called A Personal Trove of Prose about commonplace books. I've had a commonplace books for years, but never knew that's what I was supposed to call them.  Now days I consider this blog my commonplace book. This is where I put snippets of sentences that I want to remember, of the books that I want to remember having read. As I've said before, I use these book reviews for my own purposes more to help anyone make a decision about reading it.

It's a good thing this is just to remind me that I read Hot Six, I read it in traditional book format, not e-book on Kindle. When I read on Kindle I tend to highlight alot. I didn't highlight anything in the traditional book. Still, liked it all.

A More Compelling Start for Fiction

After Uris commitment book (review to come soon) I've gone trashy and short. Another Evanovich novel. It's like eating junk food. Tasty and quick, but fun at while you're doing it. This one . . . Hot Six.

Okay, so here's the thing. My mother's worst fear has come true. I'm a nymphomaniac.

Janet Evanovich - Hot Six

It's got me hooked.