Autoethnography, Question 11

How did the study group influence your sense of belonging in the program?

I think in terms of this question, the study group had different influences on me depending on which part of the program we were in. During the very beginning of the program, I think I had imposter syndrome. Meeting Andrew and Darron was a bit intimidating, and I felt I might be in the wrong place. Meeting Anne helped some since she, like me, worked in the corporate world. So I guess to answer the question, the study group helped me overcome that initial panic/sense of imposter syndrome. 

Later in the program, I think that sense of belonging in the program was more intense and succinct. For a while, the study group seemed quite special as an entity within the program. Later, I found out it was more exclusive than I realized. We didn't mean to be exclusive; in fact, there were two or three people who were momentarily a part of our group who didn't glom on as rigorously as we might have hoped. So we were always open to inviting others into the group. But, yeah, it seemed to become an exclusive club that became a bit well-known in the program, among the professors and the other students.

I find this odd as well. When we first formed the group, I didn't think it was "special." In fact, if anything, I thought we were one of many. I actually for a moment thought about trying to join one of the other groups cause I thought that Andrew and I wouldn't have much to align our work and studies. He was qualitative, and I knew I wanted to do something more quantitative. Also, he was an academic, while I was working in the private world. 

I think the reason I kept at it was Anne, but also Darren. Darren and I, it turned out, both served in the 2nd Ranger Battalion. In fact, he was in Bravo company and may have been 1st Platoon. This is rare. A Platoon is maybe 30 guys? To have found someone who served immediately before me in the same platoon is exceedingly rare. Plus, Darren gave some immediately useful information so I stayed involved. Thank goodness I did. By the second or third class I knew the group was providing value. By the second or third year, I knew the group was an anomaly and something special.