Autoethnography, Question 2

Again, I'm taking part in an autoethnography , so I'm answering questions about our study group. Here is the next question:

How would you describe your level of participation over time? (e.g., occasional, regular, core member, shifted over time)

I think we met quite regularly at the beginning of our coursework. But then these meetings were very mission-driven, almost tactical. I remember we discussed specific homework assignments. We discussed upcoming classes and the progression of the classes. We would discuss the challenging aspects of the homework and even those related to APA. I had very little integration with APA, so it was great to have an academic professional in the group whom we could turn to for APA guidance. 

We were all core members . . . If only the group were so small. BUT, I genuinely consider Andrew the core-est of the core. I think that Andrew and I have probably been the two who used the group the most and the longest. Now that we are post-PhD, Andrew and I still meet on an ad hoc basis. He might meet with others, but I know that he and I still meet. And now, the group's raison d'etre is morphing and evolving again. At first, we met to discuss the classes, the schedules, and homework. Then, during our individual dissertation work, the group became a "support" group, focusing more on emotional and social support. Less about "work". Now the group is becoming one that focuses more on completing studies and articles. I'd like to see the other "core members" stick to it and be a part of this "new" group as well, but so far it's mostly Andrew and me again. Which, from an artistic framework, is fun to see, kinda a bookend. I believe we started with Andrew and me, and now it's mostly Andrew and me again.

During our coursework, I remember we met on regularly scheduled intervals, every Monday evening, every Tuesday evening, that sort of thing. I remember, too, that they were somewhat of a hassle. I remember that every time we had a scheduled meeting, I'd have to force myself to show up. Usually, I would leave right after an hour. Already, I had class, reading, and writing. Chit-chatting for more than an hour, even if it was about courses, I felt guilty. 

But what was funny is that during and after the meeting, I felt incredibly fulfilled. I don't think I've ever attended a meeting where I didn't come away thinking it was worthwhile. Also, I think it's odd that despite knowing that the meetings would feel helpful, I still looked with some degree of dread when the next week would come around. Then we would meet, it would be incredibly fulfilling and worthwhile, and the cycle would start again.