Control Freaks

I like to do things myself. Ask anyone who has gone camping with me. My wife loves talking about how I'll ask her to do something, and in just seconds, I will take over for whoever I've asked to do it, and do it myself. "Honey, will you go make a fire?"  . . . "Never mind, I'll do it." or "Sweety, will you get the campstove out of the car?" just seconds later, "I've got it."

I don't know what it is. Maybe it's a control thing. Maybe I don't trust others to do the job that I think I can do better. Maybe I just enjoy trying things and doing things by myself. I do enjoy trying things. Maybe I just like things do my way, and if I don't trust you to do it my way, then I'll do it myself. Again, control and trust. 

Regardless, this tendency goes beyond just camping. It invades my work life too. 

When I started at my old company, I was tasked with updating and improving our training course deliverables. It took some time. But, one of my favorite slides for presentations is a before-and-after slide that shows what our training courses looked like when I started vs when I left. 

Now, keep in mind, I didn't do the lion's share of this work. My team did. In fact, without that team, I doubt it would have gotten done. BUT, and this is where it comes back around to control, I remember having to author and develop several courses myself before we got off the ground. I wrote, developed, and authored a course on COVID-19. I remember it because JM hated the color scheme. But I loved the way I made the icons look like buttons. I liked it so much I used it again in a fire safety training I wrote, developed, and authored myself. I remember that one well because CH thought it was horrible. I remember showing her a "before and after" similar to the one above; her response, "I didn't think our training was all that bad before."

Regardless, another one that I remember developing was for a pipeline organization. It was really fun to write and develop, AND it was one more step in the right direction. Soon after, the team was able to pick it up and run with my thoughts and develop without my direct involvement. 

Did they ever need it? Did they need that level of direct leadership and modeling? 

Probably not. BUT, that's my style. I have to do it first. 

Lately, my boss has been asking me . . . forcing me to hire a research assistant. Why? Well, I think I've shown that I can write and publish our reports; she wants more and wants me to be a thought leader instead of a doer. This is the same process that I followed at my old organization. 

This is who I am . . . I try and lead from the front, . . . I make sure I model what I'd like to see, . . . There is no chore I would ask my team that I haven't done myself . . . and I'm hands-on.

If that makes me a control freak? I'm fine with that.