I had a friend, a close friend for many years. We've all seen those movies or read those books where a "soulmate" style friendship is described. This is what we had and it was everything that the books and movies make it out to be. Actually, it was quite a bit more.
Regardless, it fell apart. When I look back at our friendship, I realize that it lasted well beyond the expiration date. What does that mean? It means when I review the timeline of our friendship, I realize now that it would have been better had we stopped being friends about ten years before the end of our friendship. There was nothing positive or worthwhile that emerged from the final ten years. It would have been better had we stopped years and years before.
All that being said, and I'm sure I'll have more to say on that in the future, LB has this challenge where she didn't know what she wanted to be. Was she a friend or a fan? I've found that she "cyber-stalks" me online. I've had to shut off and close off whole sections of my social media and online life. I had the precursor to the blog that included several thousand entries, which I had to close down completely because of her. I've blocked LB and the public from dozens of accounts. Still, I've found clues that she is trying to be a fan.
What's challenging for me is that I think in this case it's possible to go from fan to friend, but once you're a friend, especially such a close friend, you can't go back to being a fan. It's a one-way dynamic. Once you've gone down the road of friendship, fanship is off the table.
If she wants to be friends again, she should step up and write. LB needs to be bold, a characteristic I used to attribute to her, but no longer do. Instead, what I find is someone who lurks in the shadows, touches at the edges, and refuses to engage. Is it any wonder that I'm not only not a friend of hers, nor even a fan?
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