Thanks to my "study buddy" Andrew, I got a chance to watching a TedTalk on emerging adulthood. I couldn't help but be reminded of something that came up as a discussion point in our class last week. Although I agree with Jeffrey Jensen Arnett about why it takes so long to grow up, and I also agree that we should embrace that time if we can, I also believe that there is also something to be said for parenting and the style of parenting we see in many subsets of our society.
The term snowplow parent was new to me. As was the lawnmower parent and bulldozer parent. I've heard of helicopter parenting and I thought that was negative enough, but to hear that helicopters have transformed into snowplows is concerning.
My wife and I go out of our way to NOT helicopter parent our kiddos. We try to enforce independent decision-making, we make our boys stand up for their decisions, right or wrong, and deal with consequences. Maybe it's laziness, but I don't interact with their teachers, although we have interacted with school administrators about red tape and policy, those interactions between my kiddos and their teachers, that's for them to muddle through, not me. "Sounds tough," I tell my son Price when he's upset about his Math teacher. "What are you going to do about it?" To find out now that there are parents who don't just hover but clear paths completely for their kiddos, to such a point that it's a common term, is concerning.
I am reminded of the Bannon and Fuller (2021) article I sent Andrew last year about USC promoting graduate degrees through an outside agency to push online degrees. Snowplow parenting yields kiddos who can't think and reason for themselves and who regret their decisions down the line. Certainly, we all have regrets in life, but it's minimizing the regrets that are key. Growing up late, not being able to make adult decisions, and falling for and making poor decisions are all a part of this.
Finally, I mentioned above that this is a subset of our society. I say this because, as you know I enlisted in the military after college. Most of my colleagues when I enlisted were 18 and 19-year old privates. Most of these soldiers had had to grow up quickly in their respective families. I was 24, had just finished college, and was in the Army for fun and adventure. I was the one taking my time and enjoying my life, embracing the slowness of emerging adulthood. But I was surrounded by many of my fellow soldiers who were already supporting wives and kids or sending money back to families. In those cases, these folks had been forced to grow up quite quickly.
Regardless, there was a lot to like about Arnett's talk, and much to agree with, but it did make me think about the disservice we sometimes do our children by hovering, protecting them, or bulldozing a path for them.
References:
Arnett, J. J. (2015, April 23). Why does it take so long to grow up today? [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fv8KpQY0m6o
Bannon, L., & Fuller, A. (2021, November 9). USC pushed a $115,000 online degree. Graduates got low salaries, huge debts. Wall Street Journal (Eastern Ed.). https://www.wsj.com/articles/usc-online-social-work-masters-11636435900?st=6gmlr24u5fjslbk&reflink=article_imessage_share
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