Mourn the Old to Move Forward

My colleague Megan and I had a great conversation about loss the other day. While we discussed it, I thought about a transition in my own life, and the one that comes foremost to mind is a transition that was forced on me by a business combination a few years ago. 

I was a part of an organization with a strong identity in safety culture and caring, which is rare in the more cut-throat world of contracting. But we all thought we were a part of something unique and special with focus points on people rather than on money and profits. 

We merged with our largest competitor. The merger was stark for everyone who was a part of my organization as we felt we were joining the exact opposite culture from the one we had created. In many ways, that perception was spot on. Most of us, leaders from that original company didn't survive the merger and found other organizations to work for. I was one such casualty. 

One thing that resonated with me came from my boss when we were speaking about the difficulties we were having in creating a new combined culture. He mentioned that no one had been given a chance to properly mourn. He felt it was doubly hard to move forward without first letting go of the last organization and letting it be put into the past. This is what I thought of when you mentioned that people "refuse to let go of the old." I think that's what we were doing. 

I think to help people we have to help them understand that the transition is a normal part of life and development and to mourn the passing of the old. I don't know how that is done easily. We have trouble with that. In fact, we had so much trouble with it, one year when our family lost the opportunity to host a foster son, my grandmother and father both passed, and our family dog was put to sleep, my youngest son had terrible troubles. A local psychologist mentioned, "your son has lost his brother, two significant people in the family, and the family pet, and never got to say goodbye to any of them." To help him mourn and move forward he wrote a series of letters and released them with balloons to those he was missing. Just addressing it in this way and in other small ways helped him mourn and move forward. 

I look back and wish I had found ways to properly mourn the loss of the old company culture, but then I wouldn't be at such a unique organization as I am now.