And Even More Stress

The other day I wrote about all that is going on with the ole PhD. Came to the end of several classes, got a bad grade on a paper, all the travel, etc. Well, that stress was nothing compared to today. 

In two days I have my quals . . .or my comps. Mine is linked to a proposal. Guess who has been rehearsing that proposal over and over again? Yep . . .This guy!

My presentation . . . I had a “mock” meeting with my major professor last week. He said it was good but also gave me several tips on how to make it stronger. Stress. One of my committee members hasn’t been answering emails or phones. I have no idea if he will be there. Stress. I’ve practiced practiced practiced, but the nature of the process means they can ask any questions about anything I might have learned. Stress. 

This is easily the most stressed I’ve been in a long long while. But it’s different than work stress. This is “waiting” stress. This is 3 years of my life waiting for this moment stress. This is can I move to the next phase and this nonsense over with stress. 

I’ll also say this . . . Without a doubt, this is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Rangers was tough. I’ll give you that. Working my way through Basic then Airborne then RIP and finally getting to Battalion and having to learn and work with my team and squad. That was hard, but this is harder. That was physical, but this is stress and worry and work. Best Ranger was hard too. Hardest physical test of my life. So was Green Beret Pre-Scuba. Hell I drowned in Pre-Scuba. This is harder than both of those. 

Work is tough. I’ve had some hard projects. I’ve had some rough rollouts and even some tough presentations. But, those are nothing compared to the three years of getting this PhD has been so far. There have even been some hard moments in my marriage, but that’s a hollow pit of your stomach stress, this is constant worry and deadlines and paper and reading reading reading stress. 

Easily this is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Want to know what’s worse? 

Even if Thursday goes perfectly. Even if they accept my proposal is accepted as is. Even if my comps/quals are perfect . . . I will still have six more freaking months. 

UGH! 

Did I mention that this is the hardest thing I’ve ever done?