No Value

I'm in a funky place, and I think most of it is around my job. I don't know if I'm valued as much as I think I should be. 

Last week, Russell promoted Cami to Senior Vice President. Why? I don't know. I can only think that he thinks she's doing a good job. I don't think she's doing a good job. In fact, I think she's doing a poor job. I think she is indecisive, she is confused, and I don't think she is someone you can trust. Obviously, Russell thinks differently. 

• He has every right to think that way. He's in charge, not me. If he wants to promote her, that's on him. The challenge I have is this.
• If he promotes someone I think is doing a poor job, then what chance do I have of promotion?
• If I get a Ph.D. and I do it at an advanced clip as he wants me to, and he rewards me with a raise that is less than what I give a couple of my workers under me, then what chance do I have of a promotion or raise in the future?
• If I'm offered the position of Adjunct Assistant Professor of Practice at Texas A&M University, School of Public Health, and he doesn't want me to publicize that or tell anyone, then what is there to strive for? 
• If my managers can turn around their departments and make our training untouchable, and he still says that mine is the weakest department in the organization, then why should I bother working and innovating? 

I know, I know, I'm perfectly capable of coasting . . . I have a great, and very stable job. I can sit back and just piddle along. If I do great and fun things, great! If I screw up, oh well, . . . what are you going to do? Fire the guy with a Ph.D. in the very thing the organization is supposed to do? This is the very thing I was always hoping for? The Ph.D. and now, that I'm here? I feel less valued than ever. 

Some of this has to do with this funk from completing my Ph.D. and looking for the next conquest. Some of it comes from a lack of clarity about my role. Some, I'm sure, comes from the politics of the office and the craziness of the people there. Some of it could be that I'm not happy there and want something new. Or it could be that now that I'm reaching out to test the market, it's not as easy to see where I fit. 

UGH.

Funny, how I reach what I want, and it's not the nirvana I thought it would be.