Autoethnography, Question 2

Again, I'm taking part in an autoethnography , so I'm answering questions about our study group. Here is the next question:

How would you describe your level of participation over time? (e.g., occasional, regular, core member, shifted over time)

I think we met quite regularly at the beginning of our coursework. But then these meetings were very mission-driven, almost tactical. I remember we discussed specific homework assignments. We discussed upcoming classes and the progression of the classes. We would discuss the challenging aspects of the homework and even those related to APA. I had very little integration with APA, so it was great to have an academic professional in the group whom we could turn to for APA guidance. 

Control Freaks

I like to do things myself. Ask anyone who has gone camping with me. My wife loves talking about how I'll ask her to do something, and in just seconds, I will take over for whoever I've asked to do it, and do it myself. "Honey, will you go make a fire?"  . . . "Never mind, I'll do it." or "Sweety, will you get the campstove out of the car?" just seconds later, "I've got it."

I don't know what it is. Maybe it's a control thing. Maybe I don't trust others to do the job that I think I can do better. Maybe I just enjoy trying things and doing things by myself. I do enjoy trying things. Maybe I just like things do my way, and if I don't trust you to do it my way, then I'll do it myself. Again, control and trust. 

Onboarding Training Fiasco

Today, for some reason, I was reminded of a project at my old organization. That organization specializes in developing and delivering training courses, especially onboarding courses for other companies. We noticed at some point that although we provided that for others, we had never provided one for our own workers. Or if we had, and some departments had, it was ad hoc. 

Ergo, I was tasked to develop an onboarding for our own organization.

Here were the capabilities and expectations I had. 

Autoethography, Question 1

I'm taking part in an auto-ethnography study about our PhD study group. So as I answer these questions about it, I'm going to go ahead and post the reflections here . . . enjoy!

Question 1: At what point in the doctoral program did you first begin participating in the study group?

Andrew and I met in late spring or early summer of 2020. I think we had a third, Aaron? I remember thinking that it was nice to connect with someone outside of class. Immediately, it was nice to talk about the experience with someone else who was involved, to hear their perspectives, and to hear that my impressions weren't unique. 

Waiting on Orders

 I'm reading a book about D-Day by Stephen Ambrose. I've read a lot of books by Ambrose over the years. I gave up on him due to the "plagiarism" scandal at the end of his life. I wasn't a fan of that. And I'm still not. BUT, I've been stunned (as my readers well know) by the magnitude of plagiarism taking hold in academic circles, see for instance Harvard's president, et al. I wonder if there is a study there somewhere. Regardless, Ambrose is a greater writer. More on that later. 

What I find interesting is his description of the landing at Omaha Beach. The first invasion he discusses is Utah, and for the most part that sounds rather staid. But boy, Omaha was a goat fuck. 

Land Acknowledgements and The Clovis People

As I said, Andrew has a land acknowledgment in his syllabus. Specifically, it says: Land Acknowledgement: As the first land-grant institution established under the 1862 Morrill Act, we acknowledge that the state of Kansas is historically home to many Native nations, including Kaw, Osage, and Pawnee, among others. Furthermore, Kansas is the current home to four federally recognized Native nations: The Prairie Band Potawatomi, the Kickapoo Tribe of Kansas, the Iowa Tribe of Kansas and Nebraska, and Sac and Fox Nation of Missouri in Kansas and Nebraska. Many Native nations utilized the western plains of Kansas as their hunting grounds, and others—such as the Delaware—were moved through this region during Indian removal efforts to make way for White settlers. It’s important to acknowledge this, since the land that serves as the foundation for this institution was, and still is, stolen land. We remember these truths because K-State’s status as a land-grant institution is a story that exists within ongoing settler-colonialism and rests on the dispossession of Indigenous people and nations from their lands. These truths are often invisible to many. The recognition that K-State’s history begins and continues through Indigenous contexts is essential.

Syllabii

I've finished my syllabus for my class. I think this is important because the syllabus is the first moment that the professor gets to put his stamp on the class. I was using a syllabus that came from Dr. B through Dr. C. I didn't care for it. 

Step 1, . . . styles. No one uses Word styles correctly. Usually, that's the first thing I do. So the first stamp of Dr. Hannah that the students see will be Calibri. Then they'll see my nicely formatted tables. 

Memes

I'm teaching a class in the spring for KSU and it's on "Research Design." I think the actual name is "Seminar in Adult Education Research." But I like the more colloquial, Research Design. 

I have posted this image because one of the first assignments I have is a discussion of Chapter 1, but the students have to include a meme about research design, then discuss why they chose that meme. 

Some may say that that seems a bit juvenile for a "graduate-level" class filled with Master's students in Adult Education and those seeking their PhDs. BUT, the professor in my last class started with this little ice breaker, hers was synchronous rather than asynchronous, but still it was just a tad meaningful, so I think I'll try it too. 

Continuing Saga

One thing I notice . . . continuing yesterday's discussion about my "friend" LB, is that I'm not sure if she even knows if she wants to be a fan or friend. Why? Well, cause every now and then I notice that she deactivates, and in one case blocked my account, from a fake account she set up. 

I think about this often. the way I see it, one,  . . . she’s checking whether I noticed. I think her blocking and deactivating is her way of wondering: “Is he watching back?” . . . “Does he care?” . . . “Is he aware I’m here?” . . . . It's like she can’t decide whether to re-engage or fully detach.

Fan or Friend

I had a friend, a close friend for many years. We've all seen those movies or read those books where a "soulmate" style friendship is described. This is what we had and it was everything that the books and movies make it out to be. Actually, it was quite a bit more. 

Regardless, it fell apart. When I look back at our friendship, I realize that it lasted well beyond the expiration date. What does that mean? It means when I review the timeline of our friendship, I realize now that it would have been better had we stopped being friends about ten years before the end of our friendship. There was nothing positive or worthwhile that emerged from the final ten years. It would have been better had we stopped years and years before.