Stuck in Childhood

I got a strange text from my mom the other night. She’s very controlling. I don’t like it. But there’s a lot to be said about control. 

I’ve written a lot before about how people deal with challenges in life. I follow one psychologist who talks about how all adult personality quirks can be pared down to some challenge in childhood. Sense of entitlement? Chalk that up to childhood wounding. Someone says “I love you” too? That’s a sure sign that they are emotionally immature and don’t have boundaries. Narcissism? That’s a ego centric emotionally immature person who never really moved beyond years 3 - 7 of childhood development. 

I look at the world through these lenses now and I think back to the girlfriend I had years and years ago. When I met her she had several turns of phrases about being unnoticeable . . . “Flying under the radar” . . . “Being the grey man” . . . “Pauses” . . . Is it any wonder that she ghosted me so often? I always saw ghosting as the weakest form of personal interaction. It’s a pathetic way to deal with people. To just stop talking to them. Makes me think about immaturity and not developing past 3 - 7 years old. 

 Now, thanks to this dust up with my mom, I’ve come to see it as a control feature. It may be a way of terminating a friendship, but it’s also a way of maintaining control. The person doing it may think their in control, but if you’re blowing up the relationship and the trust at the same time . . . What are they in control of actually?

Anyone who follows this blog knows I’m working on “self-authorship” as a part of my own adult development. As a self-authored individual I’ve come to realize that ghosting is not as big a deal as I once thought. Why should I care if that’s the way someone wants to deal with the world and those around them. I can’t change it. I can’t make them believe as I do. What’s the point of getting all razzed up about it? Let it be. See what happens. At most, hope that that person decides to grow beyond that phase of their ability to relate. 

Similarly, in terms of self authorship and control (which is really just a subset of the previous discussion), I don’t like to be “controlled.” I find it funny that my mother of all people, who keeps trying to do things to control me, doesn’t realize that her efforts have the opposite effect. The more control she tries to enforce the less she has. 

I wonder what childhood development stage that means I’m stuck at? What children’s age did I not progress beyond?

Funny ole world no?