Live On Mars Not on Venus

A seminal work that I remember reading many many years ago was men are from Mars and women are from Venus. 

I think I read it in high school. It really helped me understand men versus women. One of the things I got out of it and I think it's a key factor within the book is that women like to express things while men likes to fix things. 

Men are fixers. Women are venters. 

One thing I’ve always struggled with is that just because a woman says something doesn’t mean she wants to do anything about it, or have anything done to fix it. They may actually like it the way it is, they just want to talk about it. Men have economies of time and effort and want to hear only about the things that need something done to them. 

Back to that friend of mine who said she missed me that I posted about the other day. She would vent about missing working or being together, and I would work to fix it. The thing was she didn’t want to “fix” it, she wanted instead just to vent about it, to talk about it. It took me awhile to realize she really only wanted to talk about it, not fix it. For me it became very frustrating.  

Why? If I miss something I fix it. If I miss working out at a gym, . . .I go sign up at a gym and workout at the gym again. If I miss having a friend in my life, . . . I go write that friend and have lunch with them. I reignite and engage in that friendship again. If I want to do something else for work . . . I don’t complain about the job, I go get a new job. 

All she wanted to do was vent. 

It's a tough communications challenge for humans isn't it? Eventually it just becomes whining doesn't it. I mean if you're gonna sit there and talk about how you want this and that and this other thing, over and over, but you do nothing to fix it, Doesn’t it just become whining? Complaining?  

I don't like complainers and whiners. Never have. I like people who go out and change things and make them happen. I think about Seal PT those were people that made shit happen. The ones who eventually couldn’t hack it. They left. The ones who stayed . . . they weren't complainers and whiners. I remember a private in my Ranger platooon was a huge complainer. A year later he was gone. He was proud he had become a Ranger, but being a Ranger means “staying” in the Rangers. It’s harder to “stay” in the Ranger Battalion than it is to “get” into the Ranger Battalion. Much harder. The bosses I’ve most like working with are those that made shit happen, not the ones who complained. I’ve had a few of those. The friends I like having in my life are those that change things. 

So, stop whining and complaining and missing. If you want to change your destiny go out and change it. Make it happen. Be from Mars, not from Venus.